Updated: Jun 19
Loving Self with no conditions
The word unconditional can seem surreal in a world with many attachments, caveats, obstacles and compromises. Is it possible to set all aside and have a sincere acceptance of your own self, no matter what.
It is possible. It does take some practice but it is quite possible I have found.
So why is it so hard to have unconditional self acceptance. To not be critical of self, not doubting and comparing self with others and coming up short in any way. Why is this such a struggle for us.
Unconditional self acceptance can be elusive because we have been conditioned to not feel good enough. To be a thirsty consumer, seeking validation from diverse industries in the system, to find fulfilment in one thing or another to keep the matrix system churning.
We are programmed to be striving, learning, climbing and not in the natural thriving manner, but in a desperate survival mode.
We are inclined to focus more on what we need to improve rather than appreciating how awesome we already are even as we are learning.
We can do five great things but the one thing that goes bizarre and our entire focus is on that one thing that went bizarre. We are so hard on ourselves.
We were not told enough times that we are gifted naturally and learning along with everyone else on a unique path.
We need to remind ourselves of this.
I will share 3 strategies to help hold unconditional self acceptance:
The first strategy is to:
Optimise Self awareness and care: We are programmed to focus outside of our own self: what other people are doing, what they are saying, what they think, what they are saying about us, what they are thinking about us etc. We spend so much time thinking about everyone else and making sure we fit it, so they will accept us. This is the program that distracts until we become more aware, mindful of these habits and change them.
This first strategy is that you turn your attention on you, accepting your self just as you are, unconditionally. You start paying attention and getting a sense of what feels comfortable to you, what causes tension in your body. You start to practice feeling ok, for instance when you uphold your boundaries and turn down a request from someone, (or even your own craving) for the sake of your own wellbeing. As you set and uphold one boundary at a time, you begin to see yourself as worthy of this care. You loosen the grip of the egoic programs and allow your higher self to perpetuate your being.
Self care even with all our roles and responsibilities is important. For instance as a mother, I cherish my boys though they are now grown young men. I remember when they were still home. I did not really put time aside for self care until I was in my fourties. Before then, I felt guilty and unworthy. I was quick to put myself out for not just my children, but for the community, for my work etc. Your core family is one thing, but it is a different thing for non dependants. These are people for whom you really are not their guardian or sole option. It is important to make time for your self.
Self care is about you taking care of your body, your skin, your nails, hair, teeth, eyes, thoughts and spirit. Having regular checks with your practitioner and not letting things fester.
Self care is about you letting go of tensions and blocks in your body as you sense them in the instant, through transformational tools such as breathing, movement, meditation etc. Check out my self care article on my blog here for about 80 examples of self care.
This leads to the second strategy in cultivating and holding unconditional self acceptance.
Be quick to Release and let go of limiting thoughts/feelings.
When we have suffered some trauma or pain, we often have the painful memories stored in our minds, body and spirit. We feel the tensions in our thoughts in the forms of anxiety/ depression/ panic attacks and our poor mental health, especially in aches, in lower body areas from waist down, lower back pains, abdominal or other lower body issues. The body is storing what no longer serves us. It is hard to release this baggage because the familiarity can be comforting.
However we can be even kinder to our self to experience more emotional freedom and wellbeing. This is what unconditional self acceptance is about. Being kind to our own self because we know we deserve it and we are at our core a loving being.
This second tip is about being quick to release limiting thoughts which is where all dis-ease starts from. Limiting thoughts are usually around perceptions of past failures, of our own self or others we have observed.
Being quick to sense these limiting thoughts and release them using transformational tools that resonate with us is key. Again we begin to loosen the hold of the egoic mind, to feel lighter and hold more empowering thoughts of self. Affirmations, spoken or subliminal are a good way to do this. The Heal your mind course is a good resource for this.
Be open to trying different modalities, such as, light language activations, as you create a portfolio of transformational tools.
The third strategy is about enjoying our own self more.
Spending time alone doing something relaxing and fun - downtime This is something we sometimes struggle with, especially if you are a workaholic or not used to being alone. We often do not see the point in spending time alone doing something relaxing and fun. We see no goal to be achieved or won. In fact we sometimes perceive downtime as a monumental waste of time.
As we let go of the egoic hold on our mind, we need this downtime to allow higher self, the spirit self that is higher consciousness, permeate into our very being. This higher self is who we truly are and where unconditional love exists.
The more downtime we can have and come to enjoy, the better.
Time that we would usually spend on working, exchanging ideas or bouncing off another is worthwhile. And this is about spending time alone doing something we enjoy like watching films, going to the cinema alone, meditating, walking in nature.
This is about coming to value and enjoy your own company.
I remember at first having anxiety and guilt, very uncomfortable feelings that downtime was unsafe. I felt as if I was asking for some kind of punishment. This shifted and passed as I pushed through, reflecting on the programmed beliefs which do not really make much sense.
Spending some time alone, downtime, doing something small and comfortable is an individual thing.
For me I started with finding some quiet space near my table in the office. When I could step away from my work station for about 10 minutes. I pushed through feeling like the weak link in the team. And , now I love being alone. I love it. I can go a whole week in downtime, being alone aligning to higher self. I love my frequent downtime experiences. It is different from being lonely which is about needing external validation.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, loving being alone and enjoying your relationship with your own self on your own, feeling happy, grateful, appreciative, safe, protected, relaxed is important. It may take practice, but it is possible. It is worth it.
Start small, you may start with finding time to be alone in the morning at home or at night. For 5, 10, 30, 1 hr, 2hrs. Or starting small may be you popping away from home and going for a short walk or to the cinema.
This is about enjoying your company and really valuing yourself. You come to see this interesting, fabulous awesome human being that you are.
You come to care and set standards for what feels good and what feels off. You feel comfortable making your wellbeing a priority and standing up for yourself, allowing others to do the same for you. You surround yourself with people who care about you.
The three strategies again are: Optimising self awareness and self care, Being quick to release unhelpful thoughts/feelings & Spending time alone in downtime .
They are really effective in releasing the egoic programming and allowing higher self, pure awareness drive your day to day.
It is from this place that we operate in unconditional love in our daily experiences.
It starts from within us. Unconditional self acceptance is the foundation of unconditional love as we become more driven, guided by our higher self for best outcomes in every area of our life.
Take the steps you need for your even more fulfilling life.
Click here for my YouTube unconditional love portal which contains light language activations to support your transformational journey.