Overcome Self Pity in 4 Steps

Moving beyond Self Pity.

Self Pity is the psychological state of focusing intently on the toxic past and seeking correction from others rather than yourSelf.

Self pity can be a struggle because it is familiar and feels safe. It however prevents us from moving forward in our inner work.

In Self pity, you focus intently on the toxic past, not really seeking meaning or clarity in the experiences you had. You seek apologies as well as acceptance from those who were unable to give it then and may struggle even more now to give it. We can feel stuck, overwhelmed or even depressed.

As we heal from the past, we all experience self pity. It is inevitable that we feel some regret, because a part of us knows that we deserved more nurturing and supportive relationships

There are times when we do not realise that we are in self pity. When you are dwelling intently on thoughts such as “if only .... had not happened, things would be different” or “I was in the wrong place at the wrong time”, “....... never cared about me”, you are in self- pity.

If this resonates, I understand how you feel. I know that Self Pity is a natural state we go through as we heal. It is staying stuck in it that is unhelpful.

Keep doing your inner work to move beyond this place, otherwise the present reality is denied no matter how much success has been attained. Self-pity leads to our subconscious sabotaging the attainment of our full potential.

We can only gain clarity of the toxic past, when we overcome this self pity and let go.

I invite you to try out these steps to overcome self pity:

1. Notice your thoughts & feelings. Using simple transformational tools such as meditation, quiet time, journaling, drawing, painting, writing etc. an activity that helps you slow down to notice your own thoughts and feelings a bit more. This puts you in a better place to take responsibility for them.

2. Move beyond waiting for the apology. the apology and acceptance that we seek from those involved in the traumatic experience is beyond our control. The absence of the apology can feel like a huge loss and you may need to go through the grief. This takes time and you forgiving others as well as our own self. Try out the forgiveness exercise in my Next Level Toolkit, which you can access from my homepage.

3. Stop dwelling on what might have been There are times when we struggle to make the best of the present because our attention is stiIl in the past, especially the toxic past. You can begin to follow your natural interests in the present moment, to write down your goals, knowing that things can change for the better. The belief that things can change for the better allows us to let go.

4. Practice unconditional self acceptance. It can be a struggle to start caring and accepting yourSelf with your perceptions of strengths and flaws, especially if we have had little or largely inconsistent experiences of being accepted by others. You can begin to give yourSelf the love and acceptance that your inner child still needs and will always need. Taking small steps in self care and writing daily gratitude lists go a long way in building your unconditional self acceptance.

If this resonates, I invite you to practice these 4 steps which create massive shifts in self worth and confidence.


Send me a message if this resonates and you would like to work with me as your Transformational Life Coach. Click here for more info on the next run of my “Unleash Your Authentic Self” coaching program.

Check out my FREE 5 day Perfectionism Detox Video series here: www.soulspacehealing.com/five-day-detox. It covers dealing with the inner critic and much more.

Access a range of tools including subliminal audio and guided meditation sessions in my NEXT LEVEL MANIFESTATION TOOL KIT here

Learn more about my 21 days HEAL YOUR MIND tool online now to upgrade your mindsets.

Click here for more information.

Take the steps you need for your even more fulfilling life.


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Always consult your physician prior to using transformational tools