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What are 3 Steps to Intimacy?

Updated: Jul 30, 2022

How do we experience intimacy?

Experiencing intimacy starts with being clear about what intimacy means to us.

Intimacy occurs in personal relationships rather than business relationships, where the rules of engagement for success are different.

Having an idea, thought, understanding of what leads to meaningful intimacy in our relationships enables us to experience and enjoy it if we choose to.

The first step to intimacy is to choose it consciously, again and again.

Sometimes we are choosing to be intimate with another, but the choice is fleeting, half hearted, ambiguous, not clear, not deep or conscious enough.

The first step to allowing intimacy is to be crystal clear conscious and aware that we would like, want to be intimate with another.

To have an idea, a sense of why we want it. Whether we really want the changes to our routine and lifestyle that intimacy comes with makes a huge difference in how we engage. When we ask our own self the question, whether we want to be intimate with another, Any answer short of a ”Heck Yes!” is a No.

This step is fundamental because we often have many reasons within us why we do not fully trust or wish to be vulnerable to another.

Intimacy is that feeling of closeness and connectedness we have when we are with another. There is a resonance that we cannot always explain but we can feel it.

To allow ourselves intimacy, this feeling of closeness after experiencing times of betrayal or let down requires us to consciousness, mindfully choose to experience it, again, regardless of all.

The second step to intimacy is understanding how it feels to you.

Knowing what makes you feel close, to another, is how intimacy grows and deepens.

We can get familiar with our feelings by observing and understanding how we respond best in our affectionate interactions, for instance using our own languages of love (quality time, words of affirmations, gifts, acts of service or safe physical touch).

Intimacy requires us to understand and accept our own language(s) of love. This understanding of self is a process and takes practice using tools, games, that deepen our resonance with another.

Taking the small steps every day, to accepting our own self even more, unconditionally, goes a long way in deepening intimacy with another. ~ “Daily Soul Bytes for an Inspired Life” by Bola Abimbola

Intimacy depends on our perceptions of how safe, loved and understood we feel with the other.

We may be interacting with another and experiencing our love languages i.e. quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service or safe physical touch such as hugs or sexual intercourse, but still struggle to feel a deep sense of connection with them. We may not feel able to be vulnerable or open with them. This is where our own self reflection and clarity are valuable.

Especially because what makes us feel intimate at one time may stay constant and it can also change as we evolve.

Our clarity around our own perceptions, thoughts, feelings about our own safety how lovable and loved we already are, makes a huge impact on how we open up and trust another in the present time.

It is important to be accountable for our own self- perceptions so that we do not place unachievable expectations on the other person, on the relationship.

The third step to intimacy is Consistency of connection.

When we are in consistent expression, sharing, connection with another experiencing our language(s) of love in resonance, the closeness between us, the degree of intimacy grows and thrives.

In summary these 3 steps: choosing intimacy, knowing how we feel, consistency of interaction allow us experience and enjoy deeper enriched fulfilling intimacy with our loved one.

If you want to deepen your intimacy in relationships through a deeper understanding and acceptance of your own self, I invite you to send me a message.


I am a Speaker, Mentor, Coach. More about me here

If you are interested in experiencing a change in your outlook, outcomes or experiences and want to work with me as your coach, check out my SMITT Emotional Mastery program here

Access my free resources toolkit here

To download a copy of my ebook “Daily Soul Bytes for an Inspired Life” click here.

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