Dealing with Anger

Updated: Jul 4

Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. It is an emotion that carries a meaning. Many a times we are told not to be angry and that it is not appropriate to show anger. In actual fact, if anger is not expressed, it builds up and becomes rage. Rage is destructive.


THE SPECTRUM OF ANGER

Over the years, working with clients, I have come to perceive anger on a spectrum of energy vibration, with Healthy anger being in the middle/neutral point of that spectrum.

Suppressed/Repressed anger is at the least volatile end of the anger energy spectrum whilst Rage is at the most volatile end.





At the least volatile end of the anger spectrum, are many of us who have repressed or suppressed our anger for so long that it is no longer healthy.

Repressed anger is deeply subconscious with no memories of the traumatic experience that led to the imprint, whilst Suppressed anger involves memories of trauma that are being consciously held down. Many of us suppress our anger, in that we avoid anger at all costs. We deny the feeling as it arises within us.


Suppression or Repression of anger creates emotional, psychological and physical illness, such as depression, which cause huge disruptions and blocks in day to day life. We feel stuck, held back in key areas of our lives. Avoiding the expression of our anger, not feeling and resolving it in a healthy way, keeps us stuck in other aspects in our lives.


Healthy anger expression is in the middle of the anger spectrum. As we take actions in understanding and letting go of the underlying imprints, reasons behind the anger, we experience improved physical, emotional and mental health.

Swinging furthest to the right of the spectrum are many of us who experience extreme anger or Rage, which really can be overwhelming. Here, we may almost feel unable to control and afraid to express anger.


Rage leads to imminent emotional outbursts, explosion or eruption at the slightest opportunity, anywhere, at any time. It can be close to impossible to try to control rage as it is being expressed. Our reaction is out of place and over the top. Again there are emotional, psychological and physical dis-ease experienced.


If this resonates with you and you are here now, it is time for an intervention. It is time to decide to do something about expressing anger in a more healthy way, to understand and develop better coping mechanisms.


INTERVENTION

The first thing to note is that very few of us have actually been taught a healthy way to feel or express anger. So we must allow ourselves to open up to learning, to have new skills around this.

1) Becoming more aware of the rising anger sensations within.


Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. Feeling angry is ok. It is what we do with the anger that matters. It is ok, just to feel anger. To actually just sense the tension, the heat rising through your cells, back, chest, stomach, head, to feel your breath pause or quicken, gritting of your teeth etc. It is ok to just feel the sensations growing within you as a memory is triggered by something you have seen or heard. These sensations are different for each of us, but we can learn to reflect and remember how we felt as the anger was triggered. Learn to sense this initial burst within your own self And then pause.


At the point of trigger, we can feel powerless in our ability or capacity to handle whatever is emerging or showing up and fear may creep in. This belief that we are powerless may exist despite many examples of times we know we have shown courage or achieved success in several areas in our lives. We are far from powerless in fact. We only need to remind ourselves, to acquire the skills of what we need to do, in order to go beyond our limitations. Take courage and push through the fear that arises as you begin to sense anger arising within. Let go of the fear that says you cannot relate to the sensations within or that you are powerless.

When we have a belief that anger itself is dangerous and that someone will always get badly hurt, we do not allow ourselves to relate with our own anger as it initially shows up within us. We also do not master our self as it is possible in this aspect.


At first, sensing the anger arising feels strange and unfamiliar. It can actually be overwhelming to go beyond this first stage. Persevere however in coming to know these sensations.


Energy Healing is powerful in dissolvIng painful body cellular blocks. Finding the tools and strategies, such as meditation, prayer etc, that help us regulate the emotional and bodily sensations that arise within us is key.

2) Take time to reflect on the possible reasons for the anger.

The anger is a good indication that something is going on that is not in agreement with you at some level, in some way. It is helpful to find out what the reasons are and to address them a healthy way. You can learn to do this using tools such as reflection, talking, journaling, inner inquiry etc. The reason(s) will become clearer as you practice.


If at first we cannot fathom any reasons for why we feel angry, it is a sign that we need to pause and take time away. You could take some deep breaths, turn away, or walk away. When we are unable to think about why the anger sensations are coming up within us, if the reasons are not there, not clear, it is helpful to pause for a bit longer.

Having a better understading of the reasons behind the anger is fundamental to moving forward in a healthy way.


Examples of reasons that may come up, could be that some injustice or mistreatment is occurring or re occurring. This is what we then explore and express.


3) Focus on expressing the reason(s) for the anger not the anger itself.


Many of us, as children, did not experience a time when someone said to us “you did so and so and it made me angry, I did not expect it of you. I would like to discuss this with you, so we can move forward”. This is a healthy way to express anger.


It takes practice to express our anger in a healthy way, but trying it out is the first place to start and it gets easier. The words may start out loud but as we let go of the fear of powerlessness, we choose different words and tones.


With the other, discussion can be done face to face, on telephone, WhatsApp, in a letter, text messages etc.

For our own self, we can express our anger through art, music, drama, humour, dance etc. We can continue to fine tune our own creative Self expression.